"This Is John Lennon's 75th Birthday" and Other Language Mangles Around Death (a plea from Dead People Server)

I have always hated when people write things like:

Today is John Lennon's 75th birthday

No, no, a thousand times NO!

When people die, they stop aging. That's part of the point of death. John Lennon will never be older than 40. John Kennedy will never by older than 46. Marilyn Monroe will never be older than 36.

Attaching an age older than the age of a person at their death is just plain silly and it denies that they've died.

It is correct to say:

Today is 75th anniversary of John Lennon's birth

That acknowledges that time has passed since he was born, and that he is no longer with us.

Almost as bad is the all-too-common phrase

Today would have been John Lennon's 75th birthday.

Now, when a person dies fairly young, this is a common phrase, and it didn't start bothering me until recently. You expect when someone is murdered at 40, that they could very well have lived another 40 years or so more. But, somehow, once you start saying "X would have been 90" today, that gets much less likely. The vast majority of people don't live to be 90.

My tendency from now on will be to say:

Today could have been John Lennon's 75th birthday.

John Lennon could still have been hit by a bus or something at 41. Just because he was murdered young doesn't mean he would have lived to be very old.

I think acknowledging a dead person's birthday as "anniversary of their birth," while a little wordy, is much more accurate.

Finally, I really don't like the term "passed away," but I understand why people prefer to use it. It sounds less harsh than to say "died." But "died" is more accurate and more honest. So when I die, please say "Laurie has died." I haven't passed anywhere except into death.

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Visitors to dpsinfo.com, June 2009

My Web domain, dpsinfo.com, has been around for years. While the site that gets the most traffic is Dead People Server, I have about a dozen other sites.

The traffic pattern this month was interesting:



It's kind of ironic now that, just over a week ago on alt.obituaries, a number of us were complaining about how quiet "the world of celebrity death" had been. As I said at the time, "Good for celebrities, bad for people tracking deaths."

June 25 was a very busy day in celebrity death, with the long expected death of Farrah Fawcett, and the sudden (but not completely unexpected) death of Michael Jackson, which was a rumor for about two hours before it was confirmed at about 6:15pm that day. dpsinfo.com got nearly 3X as many visitors on that day as it had on its quietest day (on June 13).

That wasn't dpsinfo.com's busiest day ever though.

The busiest day ever was the day in September 2006 when Steve Irwin (aka the Crocodile Hunter) was killed by a stingray. Nearly twice as many people visited that day as visited on June 25.

Remembering Local Boy Billy Mays

At first, I thought the announcement of his death was another hoax. I first saw it on Wikipedia's death page, where hoax deaths can still creep through. It sounded like the recent fake death announcements of Jeff Goldblum (fell off a cliff!) or the one of pitchman John Basedow (Killed in the tsunami!).

Alas, I'm wrong on this one.

Billy was kind of annoying, but kind of enjoyable. I couldn't hate Billy Mays. Pitchmen normally make my skin crawl. His whole undertone always seemed to be "I'm having a good time with this, and I'm making a pile of money." And, heck, that's American. You can't hate making a pile of money. Well, OK, most of us can't.

Billy Mays was from the same very small, very poor town that my husband called his hometown (and boxer Paul Spadafora, former "hair colorist to the stars" Bradley Johns, politician John Kasich, and footballer Chuck Fusina) - McKees Rocks, PA. Billy was two years older than one brother-in-law, and lived near my other brother-in-law (well, where "near" was "the same part of Florida").

Billy Mays was like Farrah Fawcett in that he made the best with what he had, which probably added up to millions of dollars before he died.

In many ways, his death is the most shocking celebrity death of a week filled with celebrity deaths. Ed was old. Farrah was sick. There was something sadly inevitable about Michael Jackson's sudden death at a middle age. But, Billy Mays? So full of life? So into promoting whatever he was selling? This one seems wrong. Is he selling some new product, that a fake death might help promote?

Probably not.

So, after about six weeks of making almost no updates to my Dead People Server site, I've gone and made another one for this week. Kind of sadly. I may not miss him that much, but there's something especially sad about this death.

Senator Kennedy and Dying in Old Age

I was reading an acquaintance's LJ, and found some "oh it's part of the Kennedy Curse" whinging about the Senator Kennedy's cancer diagnosis. A number of people agreed with with original posting.

I had to disagree:



Um....

OK, I'll say it - he's 76 years old.

That means he, like his mother and father before him, lived longer than average.

He's not part of any mythic "Kennedy curse" (though you could certainly make a case for some of his older siblings and two of his nephews).

He survived a plane crash in the mid-60s (with a broken back), a car crash in 1969 (that killed his companion) and more eating, drinking, and fooling around (when he was younger apparently) than most people.

If anything, he's been the luckiest Kennedy of them all.

Think about it - we all die. He's not 26 - he's 76.

Sorry, I've generally liked Teddy and voted for him at least once, but I'm not in denial about his age or condition physical condition.

Last I looked, dying in old age wasn't a curse.

Can't Say I'll Miss Old Jerry...

He was 73 and not in the best shape, so I can't say Jerry Fallwell's death was a surprise.

I'll never forget the way he tried to rewrite science and American history, and that many people lapped it up.

I'll never forget the way he tried to scapegoat minorities after 9/11. In case you've forgotten, here's what Fallwell and Robertson did:

"What is objectionable, what is dangerous, about extremists
is not that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant.
The evil is not what they say about their cause, but what
they say about their opponents."

Robert Kennedy Pursuit of Justice, 1964

Anti-heroes: Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson Agree with Osama bin Laden - America Is Being Punished by God

Article Quoted from Studio Briefing

Falwell, Robertson TV Remarks Touch Off Anger

On a day in which the nation was being urged to pray for the victims and families of the World Trade Center attack, comments reportedly made by the Revs. Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson on Robertson's The 700 Club Thursday were igniting debate among the nation's laymen and clergy.

Falwell blamed "the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists and the gays and lesbians ... the ACLU, People for the American Way" and groups "who have tried to secularize America" for contributing to what occurred in New York. "I point the finger in their face and say, 'You helped this happen'," Falwell reportedly declared on the program, which is carried by the Fox Family Channel, recently purchased by the Walt Disney Co.

Robertson responded: "Well, I totally concur, and the problem is we have adopted their agenda at the highest levels of our government."

Asked about the ministers' remarks on ABC's Good Morning America Friday morning, the Rev. Forrest Church, pastor of the All Souls Unitarian Church in Manhattan, commented, "If we respond with this kind of hatred and this kind of bigotry, we really become abettors to the very sin that we are trying to extirpate."

From the Washington Post (by John F. Harris)

God Gave U.S. "What We Deserve," Falwell Says

Television evangelists Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, two of the most prominent voices of the religious right, said liberal civil liberties groups, feminists, homosexuals and abortion rights supporters bear partial responsibility for Tuesday's terrorist attacks because their actions have turned God's anger against America.

"God continues to lift the curtain and allow the enemies of America to give us probably what we deserve," said Falwell, appearing yesterday on the Christian Broadcasting Network's 700 Club, hosted by Robertson.

"Jerry, that's my feeling," Robertson responded. "I think we've just seen the antechamber to terror. We haven't even begun to see what they can do to the major population."

Falwell said the American Civil Liberties Union has "got to take a lot of blame for this," again winning Robertson's agreement: "Well, yes."

Then Falwell broadened his blast to include the federal courts and others who he said were "throwing God out of the public square." He added: "The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say, 'You helped this happen.'"

People for the American Way transcribed the broadcast and denounced the comments as running directly counter to President Bush's call for national unity. Ralph G. Neas, the liberal group's president, called the remarks "absolutely inappropriate and irresponsible."

Robertson and others on the religious right gave critical backing to Bush last year when he was battling for the GOP presidential nomination. A White House official called the remarks "inappropriate" and added, "The president does not share those views."

Falwell was unrepentant, saying in an interview that he was "making a theological statement, not a legal statement."

"I put all the blame legally and morally on the actions of the terrorist," he said. But he said America's "secular and anti-Christian environment left us open to our Lord's [decision] not to protect. When a nation deserts God and expels God from the culture...the result is not good."

Robertson was not available for comment, a spokeswoman said. But she released a statement echoing the remarks he made on his show. An ACLU spokeswoman said the group "will not dignify the Falwell-Robertson remarks with a comment."

---

Falwell's "apology" (if you really want to call it that...)

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Commentary by Laurie D. T. Mann

Falwell and Robertson medieval views are much more in touch with bin Laden than with most Americans. Most Americans seem to understand that tolerance and openness are much more important than hate mongering. Views like those of Falwell and Robertson encourage acts of scapegoating and bigotry. What is it about the mindset of the "right" that demands scapegoats?

Comments like these make me very happy to be an agnostic!

I notice that Falwell and Robertson fail to mention the fact that the one plane that did not hit a populated target was the one in which some plane passengers, led by at least one gay man, prevented the plane from becoming a flying bomb. But let's not let any facts get in the way with their foolish remarks

September 11: Gay Victims, Gay Heroes

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Later comment (5/16/2007): As I re-examine all this after four years of war in Iraq and after the death of Jerry Fallwell, if you attempt to take Fallwell and Robertson's post-911 comments to their logical extreme, it almost sounds like their "God" is more like the "God" of the fanatic Moslems who would randomly murder civilians. So when I call people like Fallwell and Robertson mullahs, that's why.

911 may have made many people more religious, but it's made a number of us less so. I may have called myself an agnostic in 2001, and I'm definitely an atheist now.

Gee Whiz, Slow Again!

After renaming my blog a few weeks back, I haven't posted in nearly a month. I was somewhat overwhelmed by getting ready for Noreascon IV, this year's World Science Fiction Convention in Boston. While I'd changed jobs in the course of convention planning (resigned from being the Exhibits division director to taking a less stressful job as the FANAC exhibit area head and general Exhibits staffer), I was still pretty busy.

Over the last two weeks, while I was pretty much happy by how the convention went, I've been surrounded by the deaths, illnesses, and bad luck of friends and family members. Longtime Boston fan George Flynn died just before Worldcon. I've known George since my early days in fandom, and enjoyed his writing and appreciated his proofreading work on many NESFA and MCFI publications. My sister-in-law lost her job just a few months after my brother lost his, and her brother is terminally ill. My mother landed in the hospital after she couldn't walk one morning (she has a knee problem and it sounds like she may need surgery). And, yesterday, when Jim and I visited a shop we hadn't visited in a few months, we heard of the sudden, tragic death of the store's co-owner earlier in the summer. We'd been going to Mellinger's a few times a year since we found it just after we moved to Pittsburgh eleven years ago.

I'm not chronically sad or depressed, but my insomnia continues to be bad, which means my concentration is bad, I work very slowly, and I'm unbelievably forgetful. I hope to upload lots of Worldcon photos and even write a report. This will probably take some time. I also hope to help organize the many photos we collected for the fanac.org Web site over the next few months.

Worldcon, while busy and frazzled at times, was mostly pretty pleasant. I was thrilled by how well The Mended Drum worked out - while I can't take design credit, I can take concept credit! The Art Show was about the best since MagiCon. First Night and the Friday Night Events were different events that both went very well. While the Hugos ran much longer than I expected, Neil Gaiman did a fine job as MC. I hear the Program was great - at least the items I was on went very well. We also had some lovely meals out with friends (at Brasserie Joe's, Leagal Seafood, Summer Shack, and the Pour House), and I got to take my Dad out for his 75th birthday (Durgin Park) and my youngest brother out for his 40th birthday (Marche Move-n-Pick).

Jim and I spent a few days up in Gloucester after Worldcon, a nice break before returning home that I really appreciated. We had an elegant dinner at Ocean View Inn (where we also stayed) and lovely breakfasts at Sugar Magnolia. We also drove and walked around Gloucester and Rockport, and hiked through Halibut State Park up in northern Cape Ann.

There and Back Again

Thursday morning, I left for Massachusetts. I've done that drive solo a number of times. It takes about 10 hours, and when the weather is nice, it's a pleasant drive. I like listening to books on tape, so I finished up listening to Stephen King's Bag of Bones. It's a fairly pedestrian "small town has a secret and they're all in on it" sort of horror story, but there's a pair of love stories involving the protagonist that are really very sweet.

Friday, my parents and I drove up to Vermont to attend my uncle's funeral. Uncle Winslow had lived in Montpelier most of his adult life, having spent his career working for the state. As Montpelier is the smallest state capital, and the church was all of about five blocks from the state office buildings, the church was completely full of old friends and co-workers.

I want to give kudos to my cousins Anne and Mardie, who gave a very moving talk about their father, and to the minister who had the intelligence to admit that he didn't know Uncle Winslow, but gave a great eulogy anyway (the minister had just come to the church a few months before, my uncle had been in Texas part of the time, then moved in with Anne a few months before he died).

I really love the recent funeral tradition of displaying photos at the reception. I saw a family photo I'd loved as a child and hadn't seen in nearly 30 years:

Trask Family, Rochester, VT, Circa 1930: (more or less clockwise) John Crawford (Sr.), John Crawford (Jr.), George, Bill, Nellie, Winslow and Caroline Trask

Between my brother's wedding last fall and my uncle's funeral, I remet many cousins I hadn't seen in years. I hadn't seen Mardie, Alan or Pam since my wedding, almost 27 years ago. It was one of those odd timing things - a bunch of my cousins got married when I was living in Pennsylvania or Ohio and had no money to travel. Some of the aunts and uncles (Alan's parents, Anne and Mardie's mother) died at times when work was quite insane and I just couldn't get away. So it was good to reconnect with them, even if the situation wasn't ideal.

After the funeral, I went up to Burlington and visited Anne and Mardie. Spending a night in Burlington was a little odd - I spent a few nights there in February, 1957 as I was born in Burlington but I don't think I spent a night there since then.

Anne Forcier, Mardie Sorensen, Laurie Mann, April 30, 2004

We spent a long time up on the widow's walk, watching the sun set over Lake Champlain. I enjoyed meeting Anne's in-laws, the Forciers.

The next morning, I took my mother's cousin Alice Bassett, out to breakfast. She's probably the relative I'm most like - she's very politically and musically active. She's at least 78 and still sings in no fewer than three groups. She was a state legislator for a few years, and used to commute to Montpelier with Howard Dean in his pick-up truck!

The drive back to Pittsburgh was a little trickier. I'd had a migraine overnight, so I was very tired. It was cloudy and windy taking the Charlotte ferry across Lake Champlain. There wasn't much traffic or many cops on 87 going south through New York, but I did have to stop briefly when a border patrol road block (some two hours south of the Canadian border) was checking cars for illegal aliens. I have mixed feelings about that sort of operation, honestly, but I got through quickly and continued on my way home.

While I made a few brief stops, I drove for over 12 solid hours. While Burlington, Vermont is a little further west than West Boylston, Massachusetts, it's somewhat further north. So that was the longest solo drive I'd ever done.

A Death in the Family and a Weekend With Almost a Million

I was out of town over the weekend, and came home to find out that my Uncle Winslow had died. It was not completely unexpected - he'd had cancer for a number of years, and had been having good months and bad months. We shared an interest in genealogy. I'll miss him.



Winslow, Bill and George Trask, Spring 1992 -- At my father's (Bill's) retirement party



Winslow, Bill and George Trask, October 2003 -- At my brother Terry's wedding

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I spent the weekend in DC, partially to visit my brother Jeff and his fiance Rachel, and partially to attend the March for Women's Lives. This was the fifth time since 1978 that I'd been to a protest on the Mall in Washington, and it was substantially larger than any previous protest I'd been to. We probably had somewhere near 800,000 people there, meaning it was the biggest national rally ever in DC (yup, even bigger than "The Million Man March").



April 26 March: Posters Including - If You Aren't Outraged, You Aren't Paying Attention

I have been paying attention. And while I was one of the liberals who counseled "patience" at the beginning of the Bush administration, I am more outraged about the tactics of the administration every day. Just today, representatives from NASA were forbidden from making any comment to the media on an upcoming science fiction movie (The Day After Tomorrow) on global warning. Is there anything they aren't going to gag?

At the March, I was working with Jeanne Clark, who was the lead PR person for the March and one of its organizers. I ran errands and moved people around, and was also put in charge of getting the lead banners assembled:



April 26 March: Laurie Mann, Bannerer

The mall was unbelievably crowded, particularly before and after the March:



April 26 March: Post March Rally

People As Political Props

(Permanent link to this essay)

People frequently use other people as props. This is most common in families - think of the way most parents dress up and show off their kids. This is a fairly innocent use of people as props. It does no harm to the child to dress the cute six month old baby as a Halloween pumpkin, and, meanwhile, the parents get "Oooh isn't she cute?" from their friends and neighbors. This can become more malevolent over time - did little Jon Benet Ramsey really enjoy being made up, gowned, and paraded at baby beauty pagents? We'll never know.

Or think of the way some older men acquire younger girlfriends or trophy wives. The way some women live through their husbands and children. There are times when people use other people for their own needs rather than letting others stand on their own.

But, increasingly, people use others as political props. The "props" tend to be people who cannot stand on their own. It tends to be done most often to women who are unable to speak for themselves. Twenty-five years ago, it was Karen Ann Quinlan. And, today, it's Terri Schiavo.

Terri Schiavo is being used. She became brain dead in 1990. Brain scans show that the portion of her brain that governs consciousness has been nonexistent for years. It is a sick parody to photograph a brain dead person with an autonomic reflex to light and then treat her as if she was conscious. She is being anthropomorphized the way a person talks to a dog and asks "Oh, does Fido want a dog bicuit?" when the dog barks.

When people are so quick to jump up and down and talk about honoring the dignity of the individual, they have robbed Terri Schiavo of any "dignity" she may have had. What happened to Terri Schiavo is extemely sad, but no one can bring her back. She'll never talk to her family, get out of bed or do anything. She's being moved around like a puppet, and her family ought to be ashamed of themselves. People are using Terri to reflect their needs. Their need for her to be alive. She may be still breathing, but she isn't really alive.

People die, and it is fascinating to me that people who say they believe in religious teachings seem the most determined to force physical existence long after the brain had died. Terri died in 1990. It's a sad view, but a realistic view. All the tube feeding in the world isn't going to bring her back.

Some day, I don't want to be a breathing husk in a hospital bed. I signed an organ donor card in 1978 and have discussed living will issues with my husband. Today, even though I'm middled aged and in reasonable health, I am filling out a lengthy living will. I absolutely do not want to exist indefinitely in a kind of "Nazgul" state - neither living nor dead. If I'm seriously injured, sure, use the heroic mesures if I have a chance, but don't keep the feeding tube going years after all real chances have gone.

I hope that any disabled people who may be reading this essay aren't reading this essay as an anti-disabled people piece. If you are reading this piece, you are conscious, you are capable of reading and comprehending the world around you. After Christopher Reeve was so tragically injured back in 1995, he was understandably devastated by his condition. But his wife Dana turned to him and said, "You're still you." That acceptance made a huge difference to his acceptance of himself after his accident. He understood precisely what happened to him. Terri Shiavo is incapable of understanding what has happened to her.

Terri Shiavo isn't the person who collapsed in 1990. To make Terri a symbol of all disabled people is just wrong. Simplistic and wrong in every way. To keep Terri breathing does not celebrate or honor life. It means that people cannot comprehend the difference between living and breathing. I don't want to be in a state where I'm merely breathing. And I would hope all adults would make the same point by thinking about and signing a Living Will and giving a trusted friend or family member a durable power of attorney.

Terri Schiavo stopped breathing in 2005, but she died in 1990.

Technical Information on Brain Death

• "Determining Brain Death," an article in the April 1999 Critical Care Nurse


• Brain Death, University of Missouri Health Care Web Site

Too Many Recent Deaths...

We all gotta go. I know that. I edit Dead People Server, partially to track "people's status," but also as a reminder - we all gotta go some day.

Still

Still...

The last few weeks, a number of people connected to the science fiction field have died. Weirdly, each death has gotten a little "closer." First Lafferty and Knight, older men whom I knew slightly. Sad, but not all that unexpected. Then, George Alec Effinger, younger and more of a friend. Then, very suddenly last night, Bruce Pelz.

Non-fans reading this blog might have heard of R. A. Lafferty, Damon Knight or George Alec Effinger, but might be scratching their heads over Bruce Pelz. Bruce was "just" a fan, but what a fan. He was one of the first people to take collecting and recording fan history seriously. He was a librarian for many years, and had arranged to donate material he'd collected to UC Irvine. He and his wife Elayne had spent much of the last few years taking fabulous cruises. They'd been to Africa and Greece and Alaska in recent years; I know because he would bring his photo albums to cons and share them with us. He'd helped to run cons for many years, and was a founder of Smofcon (to help run cons) and FanHistoriCon (to celebrate fan history).

Patrick Nielsen Hayden keeps saying that we should stop dying. He knows there are some things out of our control. I'm sure Bruce didn't choose last night to die; he was 66 and still had things in his date book beyond doctor visits. But, if you have a choice about it, go fast without the weeks or months of wasting away and loosing your love of life. While I regret I won't be running into him at the next few Midwestcons and Worldcons, I'm happy to have known him, and to know that he had a great impact on fandom and will be well-remembered.

My sympathies to Elayne, his wife and Cecy his daughter. And to the rest of us who knew him.

Yesterday Was a Generally Depressing, Weird Day

I was very saddened to hear about George Alec Effinger's death. While I hadn't been in touch in a while, we'd hung out some at conventions over the years. George had a hard life, was often ill, and I wasn't all that shocked to hear he'd died relatively young (at 55). Still...you couldn't help but hope it was just one of those bizarre net-rumors, like the people who post, almost daily, that Reagan or Hope had died.

We also had very strange weather. It was sunny, humid and in the '70s in the morning and early afternoon. It turned very windy and we spent the afternoon having tornado watches. Despite that, in our part of Pittsburgh, there was little lightning or rain, and the wind probably only gusted to about 50 mph.

Why Blog?

I'm still not sure "why blog" when I've been writing Web pages since 1994. But, I thought I'd give it a shot. So, here's the continuation of the World's Slowest Blog (AKA: Laurie Mann's Home Page), begun in the fall of 1994, when the Web (and I) were both younger.

I actually had other tasks for today (today being a "non-work" day - due to the "tech recession" the best job I could find was a part time Web contract job), but I was somewhat taken aback by the news that Damon Knight had died. Yes, I know he was 79, so I shouldn't have been taken aback by much. Still, there are always those people whom you've only met occasionally that you hope to see more of in the future, despite their age. I felt that way very strongly about Damon.

Tax returns are done for another year. Actually, they were mostly done in February -- I like to send in returns for refunds early and hold the returns that need payment in mid-April. I do wish that that Post Office wouldn't be open extra hours on April 15. It just encourages the procrastinators.